Success, scribbled.

Breaks always go so fast. The last day of school happens and bam! it’s like a race to the finish line to get absolutely everything you can done. I start to resent the 2 weeks and the responsibilities that I must do to keep everything running smoothly. I start hating the fact that I am a people pleaser and I am always the one making the long trek back to South Texas to visit family and friends. Then I think back to when I was 19 and think, why didn’t I cut loose more then? Like take off and be a stupid teenager and go rack up credit cards, max out on loans and go on roadtrips and study abroad? Instead I thought if I tried to be good now and be responsible now, it will get easier. Thing is, it hasn’t.

When I was 19, I walked in at the study abroad office. I used to walk by it every day on the way to one of my classes and I had dreamed since I was a senior to take a trip to France. I loved almost everything about France and French culture. I had spent all four years of high school plus a semester in college in French classes simply for the heck of it. In high school, students has the opportunity to go on a school field trip and all of my friends had a chance to go except for me. But in college, the desire had not waned. I still wanted to go.

So here I was, sitting in this lady’s office to make a dream come true. She showed me all the available programs in full detail. She was incredibly thorough and very positive: when I explained that I did not have the cash at hand, she told me there were ways around it like working part time and taking out a loan. Loan? Part time work? What if I can’t make enough for the trip? College is already expensive enough. I remember biting my lip so hard it went numb. After that, I remember getting really silent for the rest of the meeting which had lasted well over 45 minutes. I grabbed all her brochures and walked backed to my apartment. And then looking at the brochures one last time I shoved them all beneath a pile of textbooks, left to be forgotten. I spent the next three years in college trying to not think about that dream.

Fear is such an ugly little thing. It gripped me so tight because I walked along a tightrope, because if I fell, if I failed, I would disappear and the life I had in college would disappear. That was my belief when I was 19. I grew up thinking I could not afford to be carefree, that risks weren’t worth it, that life had to walk a certain line that would lead to “success.”

Where is this from?

Where is this from? I have seen it everywhere but never its original source

Everyone around me told me so and because I did not know any better, I listened. What I did not know then that I know now is that I still failed by default. I failed because I let other people’s idea of what my life should be, BECOME my life.

I’m 27 right now, hard at work rewriting the “scripts” of my life and feel more like “me” than I ever. It’s nice to have something to look forward to, especially when it’s travel related. :) And it’s even better when I get to do things I love everyday like teaching, creating art, writing, and other little projects that I come up with. Learning is so very beautiful. Just know that this isn’t the final destination and I am always finding ways to grow.

Some things that are coming up in the near future:

  • Trip to Panama. I will be going to visit my family during Spring break. Currently shopping around for some plane tickets and I couldn’t be more excited.
  • Trip to Yellowstone. A road trip that I will be taking with my husband and two younger brothers. Since my brothers and I live cities apart, we decided a “family” vacation was in order. :)
  • Take my ESL certification test. Took the workshop about a year ago and I keep putting this one off. Determined to get this one in during the next 2 months to mark it off one of my little “projects”
  • Study for my Network+ test. I took some classes on networking and thoroughly enjoyed them. I’m always looking for ways to learn more,
  • And more! As always, I will be posting what I’m working on or have currently put in the backburner for the time being.

So what projects are you working on? What adventure are you planning in the near future?